Funny stuff

(some will know where it recently appeared… ;)):

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station… GO FIGURE!
  • I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver’ licenses of bald men?
  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me…they were cramming for their finals.
  • How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?
  • If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
  • STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
  • If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  • Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
  • If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
  • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  • So what’s the speed of dark?
  • Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

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